- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- Chuck Norris wakes up his alarm clock
- Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
- There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
- Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- Chuck Norris remembers the future.
- Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris received his pilots license by just looking at an airplane.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris called 911 to order Chinese food and got it.
- Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook
- Chuck Norris uses a sundial at night.
- When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
- Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
